Recipe for a Trojan War

Preparation Time: 2 – 5 years
Cooking time: Ten years

Helen of Sparta
Several angry Greek gods
Around fifty Greek suitors (including Menelaus, brother of the King of Troy)
A large battle fleet, complete with Greek heroes (for this recipe we recommend Odysseus, Ajax, Achilles and Nestor in order to achieve maximum battle strategy)
Paris of Troy
Iphigenia, daughter of Agamemnon
Agamemnon, King of Greece

Step 1*: Set Helen of Sparta up for marriage and add your fifty Greek suitors. Leave to settle for several months. Helen will marry Menelaus for political reasons.

Step 2: Remove any extra Greek suitors and add Paris of Troy to the mix.

Step 3: Wait for around three weeks while Helen of Sparta elopes with Paris of Troy.

Step 4*: Cook for one month to ensure a large amount of anger and resentment to build up in your Greeks.

Step 5: Take Menelaus and add Agamemnon and your thousand-ship fleet. Be sure to soak your Agamemnon in arrogance beforehand in order to assure a reaction with your angry Greek Gods.

Step 6*: Mix in your angry Greek Gods. One of your gods (most likely Artemis) will react to Agamemnon’s arrogance, causing a lack of sailing power for your thousand-ship fleet. Overcome this issue by sacrificing Iphigenia. Now you have a successful blend of angry Greeks and arguing deities.

Step 7*: Send your Greek fleet to Troy, where a battle will commence. Mix thoroughly to achieve an overall siege situation.

Step 8**: Cook for ten years. When you remove your siege from the oven, it should have escalated into a full-blown war.

Step 9: Serve your Trojan war with a hearty scoop of Destroyed Empire, which can be easily found at any good supermarket.

*Details for these steps can be found under the Recipe tab.

**God Blog contains full details of the war


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